Hot Mess

As part of my 1/2 marathon training schedule, I'm supposed to spend one workout a week strengthening and stretching. My friend Rachel mentioned that she used to do a Bikram yoga class over on the east side while she was temporarily living in Stacy's condo and was planning on attending last night. I had heard of Bikram before and once even participated in a class that was advertised as Bikram style "hot" yoga at a studio in Brookfield. So, I thought the class held at Bikram Yoga Milwaukee would be a no brainer. I went onto their website earlier in the day to get an address and some directions, but having a very busy day I didn't have time to read the section called "What to expect". In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman; "Big mistake.....HUGE!" Here are just a few of my general learnings and observations about last night's Bikram experience.

1.) Bikram is a set series of 26 poses. No matter where you go in the world, if you take a class called Bikram the number and sequences of the poses is the same. To get through this many poses it takes 90 minutes in a room heated to 105 degrees with 40% humidity. Add the body heat of 25 people into the room and it's Amazon jungle thick in there and crazy stinky. No amount of Febreze will ever make that room right.

2.) I never really knew what the term "flop sweat" meant. I do now. Since I didn't read what I now know as the critical "what to expect" section of the website, I came into the room with no headband, bandanna etc. and the regular amount of make-up that I have left on my face at the end of the work day. Within 10 minutes I looked like Heath Ledger's version of the Joker in The Dark Knight.

3.) Cotton may be the fabric of our lives, but it is most definitely not the fabric of Bikram yoga. Instead of grabbing a dri-fit top in the morning, I threw a cotton tank top into my bag. Cotton stretches when it gets drenched. All of my siblings who witnessed my tank top after the wave pool incident at Noah's Ark a few years back knows what I'm talking about. I picked up my shirt a few minutes ago off my bedroom floor to throw it in the wash, and after 22 hours, it was still soaked...Ugh. (p.s. no comments about why that shirt was still on my floor)

4.) I forgot my regular dri-fit sports bra so had to go with my regular cotton bra. See #3 for results of that screw-up

5.) Apparently, Bikram Yoga works. The class instructor was very slim and toned and for lack of a better term a Bikram Yoga NAZI! This class has rules. No looking around the room, no drinking water during poses and no wiping off the sweat with your towel even if your eyes are burning like you looked straight at an eclipse. Allegedly, all these things detract and distract from the "true and pure practice" of Bikram. Since this is a family blog, I can't repeat the mostly 4-letter words floating through my thought bubble, but I'm sure you can guess. She used snaps and claps to prompt you from pose to pose and she talks fast and succinctly. Full disclosure; she scared me.

6.) I discovered that while not in Bikram Nazi shape, I can survive 90 minutes in oxygen deprived hell and still be here to write a blog post about it. Rachel said that she has seen people sit down to get their breath and/or leave the room. I made it all the way through without having to do either of those things. It's not much, but's like all the little victories of this training it's something. And, believe it or not, I'm definitely going back.